Safari Gin

Best not to be eating while reading this post.  Now, not everything on the internet is true.  However, this tantalizing nugget comes via a respected national, conservative, on-line site, so we will, with regret, assume that it’s true.

A married couple in South Africa, both scientists, says the article, seem to possibly have had way too much time on their hands.  And that’s because they have concocted a new brand of gin, which includes among its ingredients: Elephant Excrement.  Yep, that’s right.  And, given that any young collegians are likely scurrying right now to find the nearest “safe space,” so as to avoid such oppressive real-world language. We’ll then translate that unseemly reference into something softer, more sensitive, less threatening: Proboscidea Poop (look it up).

So it seems, according to the article, that elephants eat at lot of fruits and flowers.  But, apparently, it’s known by people who study this stuff, that elephants actually digest only a small percentage of the fruits and flowers they take in, meaning that there is a cornucopia of undigested goodness in their poop.  Or in the new gin producer’s own words: “As a consequence (of limited digestion), in the elephant dung, you get the most amazing variety of these botanicals.”  The favor is, thus, described as “wooded” and “earthy.”  I’ll just bet it is.

So, there you have it.  A brand new, exotic gin, available to consumers, courtesy, in part, of an elephant’s large intestine.  This tantalizing creation is likely (hopefully) not available yet in America, due to distance (South Africa) and, one would presume, demand.  Should you find it here, or if you travel to the southern coast of Africa, check carefully to be certain the gin is, by tradition, completely clear.  Should it, however, have a bit of a tan tint to it, and if you are not seeking an alcohol-induced “earthy” experience, might suggest you place it back on the shelf.  This artful ode to science may alter your feelings about mixed drinks and zoo visits

(Exciting new gin information via, Louis Casiano, 11/19)